The Early Years

Wow wee! Welcome to a brand new world. (Now that my blog is up and running again!! Thanks, Helen!!!)

Diapers, bottles, 2am feedings (which Dad has so graciously “volunteered” to handle), crying, sleeping, pooping. What an experience this is turning into! There is a brand new person living in our hose now that we are responsible for. Our days of being able to just “up and go” have changed. Once we got home from the hospital I was faced with the realization that I didn’t have a clue how to go about caring for a newborn child. I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t want to be alone with Matthew. I didn’t want Mike to leave us. I didn’t know how to make him stop crying, I didn’t know if I could bath him the right way (thank God Mom was right upstairs), I didn’t know if I was feeding him too much or not enough, I didn’t know if I was going to get through it. I was tired, I was overwhelmed, I was cranky, I was irritable. This was absolutely nothing like what I thought it was going to be like. Why was I feeling so sad? This was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives. We had a child.

Thinking back now on all these distant memories, I put in a few really hard months after Matthew came into our lives. Thinking back now I wonder if I experienced postpartum depression. I’ll never know the answer to that, as I never really showed how I was feeling, but I suspect I may have. I do know it was a horrible feeling and I am very fortunate that in time it passed. I believe my anxieties and fears passed only because of the support of my husband. He had (has) more patience than anyone I know. I can be moody at the best of times, never mind after just giving birth. My hormones were all over the place. It certainly wasn’t easy, but over time we developed a schedule and I got to know my son. I realized that he could sense my moods and emotions. In time, my insecurities went away and I was finally able to “enjoy” being a Mom.

Matthew really started to become a little person with lots of cute traits. We’d spend hours lying on the living room floor or on our bed watching him learn all about his surrounding. We have hours and hours of video of him swinging in his swing, lying on the floor “playing” with his toys, and learning how to roll over. He loved music right from day one. He would turn his head towards the sound of the music and we could tell already that there were certain types of music he liked.

As I mentioned in a previous entry, we were renting the basement apartment from Mom and Dad at this time. This proved to be very beneficial at times, and rather annoying at other times. It was great to know there was always someone around if we needed anything, but at times it would have been nice to have our own place, too. Mom and Dad and my sister were wonderful, don’t get me wrong, and it was great for them, too. Matthew was the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents, so it was special for my Mom and Dad being able to have Matthew there all the time. However, once a Mom is a Mom she always feels she knows what’s best, especially when it comes to her “grandchild”. Mom often interjected with her opinions and this sometimes caused me a bit of grief. I knew her heart was in the right place and it didn’t really cause any issues greater than we could handle. (Ten years later Mom still likes to makes sure I know what I’m doing)…lol…sometimes I wonder how I didn’t lose him, let him freeze to death, manage not to get a zillion colds, and in most ways just plain survive because Mom wasn’t right there beside me all the time! (Did that appear to be as sarcastic as I think it did?)

All in all, our first year was a real learning experience for everyone. I couldn’t believe how quickly his first birthday rolled around. He was a happy baby who was learning and growing every minute of every day.

When Matthew was a year and a half old, we decided it was time to start looking for a place we could call our own. We jumped (perhaps too quickly) at the first home we looked at. Although it may not have been the best decision we ever made, it would be home for the next four years. Finally, after being married for 6 years, we had a home of our own. It was like starting all over again. We had some great times there. Young Sir was a busy toddler who loved being outside and was happiest when he was playing in the water. He was a smart boy. When he started talking it was like he went from one word to a full vocabulary almost overnight. He loved to ask questions and wouldn’t be satisfied with just any old answer. He wanted things explained in great detail and could easily recite everything back to you days later.

He made up stories so believable that one day when he was maybe 3 years old he scared my sister so badly, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. It was the wintertime, Mike was working this particular day and I was out shovelling the driveway. I would stick my head in the door every two minutes to make sure he was ok. This one time when I checked on him he was on the phone and he handed it to me saying that Auntie wanted me. I said hello to hear her start tearing a strip off me for leaving him alone while I went to the store. Pardon me?? He told her that I had left 2 HOURS ago in the car to go to the store and I didn’t come back yet and he was starting to get “concerned” (remember, he’s 3!) She was having a fit not knowing whether she should hang up and get in her car and come to the house or stay on the phone with him. This all happened in the space of about a minute and a half. After she calmed down she couldn’t imagine that I actually did this, but she said he sounded so sincere and worried that she had no reason not to believe him. I told her to come down and see that the driveway was only half shovelled if she didn’t believe me. Good grief. This was the first of many “tales” Sir Matthew came up with over the years. We laughed over that!

Time started going very quickly once he started preschool at the age of 4. He went 2 days a week and really enjoyed the time he spent playing. It was hard to get him to focus learning his alphabet and he never wanted to sit still during story time. He was a busy boy with too much to do. More on this later. Socially he liked to play with one little boy in particular and would get easily frustrated during group activities. This is happening because there are no kids for him to play with around where we lived, we thought. Again, more on this later.

Before we knew it 2 years had gone by and it was the summer of 2002. Matthew was starting “big school” in September. That was a summer of up’s and down’s. One none of us will ever forget.

Until next time….

About angeloftheisland

Welcome to An Angel’s Island. I’m Tracey (aka angeloftheisland). I’m also Mom to 19 year old Matthew who constantly keeps me on my toes. He’s our “special” boy who shows us daily how he deals with the world of ADHD, a Nonverbal Learning Disorder and Asperger’s Syndrome. He’s my hero. Marcus is 8 and reminds me everyday that he’s in no way going to make the school years boring for his Dad and me!! I’m also wife to Mike for 25 years now. Mike is my best friend and soul-mate and he has showed me over the years, that yes – dreams do come true. Our life may not be the most exciting but there’s always something going on. Welcome to our Happy Place, newly renamed Hilliard's Happy Hideaway. I hope you enjoy what I’ve shared about our family.
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1 Response to The Early Years

  1. Shauna lee says:

    I am reading awayyyyy!! This will take me awhile. So far, very well written, but not to any surprise at all. Xoxo


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