The Big 4-0!!

So it’s been 2 1/2 weeks now since I turned 40.  That looks so strange when I type the number.  40.  Wow.  What does it all mean?

Well, for starters it means I have been with my husband for half of my entire life.  It means I have been “legal” longer than I have not been.  It means I am the same age as my mother was when I was 16.  It means my parents will be married for 42 years in just 2 weeks.  It means my oldest son is 14 and my youngest is almost 2 1/2.  It means my sister is 35 and my husband is 43. It means I have 25 years until I turn 65.   It’s nothing more than a time line.

I feel very little difference in my life.  I still “feel” the same way I did when I was in high school.  Other than a few more aches and pains, I feel the same physically.  Mentally I don’t “feel” like I’m 40 – although I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to feel.  When I stop and think of my Mom at my age now, she seemed old to me.  I can remember when she turned forty.  My sister and I had a surprise party for her.  She always seemed the same – she never age; she was always Mom and always old. Did she think of her Mom the same way?  Now, she is 63 and although she doesn’t seem any older to me now than she did when I was younger, she was still old. Does this make any sense at all?  Do you think Matthew sees me as old?

I think my 40 and Mom’s 40 are different.  Mom was a stay-at-home-Mom who devoted herself to my sister, my Dad and me and her daily job was making sure our home was clean enough to eat off the floors and everything we needed was always just so.  Supper was always on the table when my Dad came in the door and when I think back now there was very little time just for her.  We were her world and her home was our haven.   She took immense pride in her job and it showed in every way.

My 40 sees me working outside the home full time with a hubby who works shift work.  I am normally the one who comes home to supper being placed in front of me and the weekends are spent doing a “power cleaning” around the house.  Life seems more rushed and once bedtime rolls around I fall into bed.

How did our 40’s end up being so different?  Is it something I did, she did or society did differently?  Life in general has changed.  40 no longer seems old .  Is it that there is no longer the structure that there was years ago or that we have more need to be at a quicker pace to get everything done?  I don’t know what the answers are.

What is 40 going to be like in 26 years when Matthew is there?

I find it captivating to really sit and think about because the number itself hasn’t changed but the way it is viewed certainly has.  Time goes on and our world changes daily around us.  Technology advances, families grow and expand, people come into and leave our lives, children grow.  there have been lots and lots of changes since I was Matthew’s age but I still feel the same.  I’ve adapted to changes and made them a part of my life.  In ways I feel like nothing has changed even though I know it has.

What a circle of silliness I am going round with this.  It makes no sense reading it back and I probably have you confused and make no sense at all.  LOL  Welcome to me trying to justify it all in my head.

I guess it just one of those things that is.  No trying to justify it or explain it is going to make me understand it any better.

I’m 40 – and it is what it is.

Until next time…

About angeloftheisland

Welcome to An Angel’s Island. I’m Tracey (aka angeloftheisland). I’m also Mom to 19 year old Matthew who constantly keeps me on my toes. He’s our “special” boy who shows us daily how he deals with the world of ADHD, a Nonverbal Learning Disorder and Asperger’s Syndrome. He’s my hero. Marcus is 8 and reminds me everyday that he’s in no way going to make the school years boring for his Dad and me!! I’m also wife to Mike for 25 years now. Mike is my best friend and soul-mate and he has showed me over the years, that yes – dreams do come true. Our life may not be the most exciting but there’s always something going on. Welcome to our Happy Place, newly renamed Hilliard's Happy Hideaway. I hope you enjoy what I’ve shared about our family.
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